Catching yourself in the act

-

 I'm not sure if this is something that a majority of us experience, but i have never heard about this from any one else. Recently I have been realizing that the difference between who I want to be or who I am in my head and the person I am in real life, the person other people perceive me as is quite big. I'm sure that's the case with lot of us but I'm able to see kinda where that delta is appearing. 

As this is happening I have become ever so slightly more aware of my actions and the consequences of those actions. I can see what I should be doing, what my ideal self in my head would be doing in this situation isn't what I'm doing. I'm scared or I'm traumatized or I'm shy or I'm under-confident or I'm cowardly or I doing think I can deliver to match the expectations. Whatever the reason I give myself, I usually back down from taking that action that my ideal self would take. But recently, when I realize this is happening and I'm not taking a decision I should be taking, I'm able to see myself ruin my chances of closing the gap between the real me and the ideal me, I'm able to consciously take a decision as to not do that. As the famous quote goes : " If you are scared to do something, Do it scared" (or something similar).

I think this practice is slowly but surly exposing my to life more. As i have been an introvert and a nerd my whole life, being able to have a meaningful conversations with people means a lot to me. I feel like I have had a chance to talk to a lot more people recently than I would have if I didn't consciously choose to not sit quite, or wave at someone in a room or to introduce myself to a stranger, etc. It feels like I'm telling talking about seeking discomfort and all that stuff, but even though in retrospect that's what it looks like, the original thought was "How do I become more like the guy I wish to be?"." If I see myself from a third person perspective, what would I like to see?"

I was recently offered to join a team on a all expenses paid business trip where we would be conducting some activities. I was very hesitant to say YES. 

  • What if I'm not able to conduct events properly?
  • what if I embarrass myself in front of the team?
  • what if no one else I know accompanies me on this trip? Will I be all lonely? Will I have fun? Why go at all? I'm pretty happy as I'm right now..... 

"AYEEE YOOO SHUT UP AND GO" I told myself, as I saw myself trying to sabotage another potential experience(which it was), and man am I happy I went. It was a great trip, the events we organized were a success beyond our expectations. I got to share the dinner table with some of the seniors and super smart humans I had once heard or just seen names of. I also had my first plane fight on this trip. It was one of those very overwhelming experiences
and to think I would have said no cause I was afraid. 

It sometimes amazes me how stupid I can be. But then sometimes I catch myself being stupid and try to do something less stupid.
 

 
 
 
Not sharing any advices here, just interpertaions and thoughts about my experiences and stuff.
-Mr. Pista        
 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I need to stop worrying about the bookmark

-
 Recently I was traveling by train and saw an elderly gentleman reading a book on the seat diagonal to me, as I was seeing him flip through the pages and read with all the attention a sense of guilt started to creep inside me. I was not reading as much as I used to or as fast as I used to. I'm getting distracted a lot these days, What happened? what changed? Why am I not able to read as much? And then it hit me "IT'S BECAUSE I LOST MY BOOKMARK!!!" and suddenly I knew how stupid that excuse was and the real reason now as I;m writing this I can clearly see are, I don't have proper systems set up and all these days as I was reading fiction books the story used to keep me invested and made sure that I completed the book. I was in the last part of my college and had a lot of free time in my hand. Now things have changed, I'm working now, I have started reading non-fiction(thanks to 75 hard) and also I'm getting distracted by other things like, the peer pressure...
Read more

What you are doing vs what is hapenning?

-
Image
A couple of blogs ago i talked about the gap between your ideal self and your actual self.(catching yourself in the act) This time it is about your actual self vs your perception of self. Recently I was catching up to one of my buddies and he asked me what have I been up to?? That put me on surprisingly weird train of thought. I told him about my job, and how I'm learning guitar and video editing and some graphics coding etc.... and we talked about various outer dumb stuff after that. But once we concluded our conversation and hung up the phones, I asked myself - what AM I upto? And it is true that in trying to learn guitar but I haven't touched it in past 2 weeks, it is true that I'm learning video editing, but haven't made a single edited video in weeks. I'm also interested and learning graphics coding but really what I did was watch a couple of Sebastian league and coding train videos. This is what I want to tell, I think I'm doing this that and...
Read more

You should probably go dance

-
Image
 I have been a shy and introvert kid from my childhood(classic). I was too shy to dance and sing in front of anyone let alone strangers. So during some festivals, my elder cousin used to arrange a dance competition and there would be vibes before the competition. I was well prepared for my dance performance (It was mandatory) but during whole festive season all cousins are together and computer was a this new magical thing back then, so most of the time there were songs being played and all the kids are being made to dance. I had it, I was so fed up, nervous and scared. will they call me next? did she see me? will she call me? ayee what is this man, join us come dance, what is wrong with you? you wont get food if you don't dance, etc..... It was such a great moment now that i think about it, everyone was happy in the same house dancing, singing having fun. But my experience.... ufff. absolute horror, how can I avoid this and move on? when will the electricity be cut off?.... So I g...
Read more