You should probably go dance

 I have been a shy and introvert kid from my childhood(classic). I was too shy to dance and sing in front of anyone let alone strangers. So during some festivals, my elder cousin used to arrange a dance competition and there would be vibes before the competition. I was well prepared for my dance performance (It was mandatory) but during whole festive season all cousins are together and computer was a this new magical thing back then, so most of the time there were songs being played and all the kids are being made to dance. I had it, I was so fed up, nervous and scared. will they call me next? did she see me? will she call me? ayee what is this man, join us come dance, what is wrong with you? you wont get food if you don't dance, etc..... It was such a great moment now that i think about it, everyone was happy in the same house dancing, singing having fun. But my experience.... ufff. absolute horror, how can I avoid this and move on? when will the electricity be cut off?....

So I grew up the same way very scared and shy to perform anything remotely artistic. I mean I did do group dances when they were choreographed and were done like a robot. But I never really let myself go. I was always very conscious of myself and how I'm looking to others, will they make fun of me? Do I look weird? how can I let myself go? The loss of self control (yes, that's what it felt like to dance) was just too much for me.

Cut to college and OH MY GOD..... What is up with people? why are seniors acting so weird? Its so crowded in this concert. everyone fuckin stinks of sweat. What??? my friends are also dancing? hmmm I'll also just do something not like anyone can see me in this darkness. This is what I had told myself, and any chance I got to get out of the concerts (in college fests) early, I took it. Friend is not feeling well? Lets go to room. This song is boring? Lets go to room.etc. etc. Lets go to room. This went on until my last second year, until before the great wave of sadness hit me. Lets just say that incident made me reevaluate a lot of things in my life, honestly I'm still reevaluating things.

So it was a Saturday afternoon, I was writing an assignment as it was a holiday. I hear my notification sound go off and its a message on my friends group asking if I was in for a concert that was an hour away from college and it was a two day event with a lot of artists performing. My mind the not sure what to say, said yea sure lets go..... and out of the 12 friends in the group 4 of us ended up buying the tickets. Honestly, by this point I was fed up with myself, I didn't really care what anyone thought of me, I was in that state where I'm almost asleep but I'm dancing. My brain is barely able to keep me standing straight, so it had no space to think of anything else. The concert started at around 17:00 and as the sun went down slowly, turn the sky red and purple. I was gaining more and more confidence. It did help that the three other guys who were with me are my best homies so, I was feeling more and more comfortable slowly. After a point before I realized it, I was there dancing I the middle of a bunch of sweaty strangers in absolute and pure bliss. I remember this one light flash and I look at the stage and it hits me. I'm here, I'm fuckin alive man, Lets gooooo. I had some of the best times of my life those two days. I'm truly blessed to be having a friends circle that is so good and is somehow healing me without even realizing it. But back to dancing...

What I realized during this concert was I have these constructs in my head that are way too rigid and complex that are set up during my childhood by me, so that I wont have to go through anything uncomfortable. (We call this thing "hard wiring" in our lingo not sure that's what that means). I have unknowingly deprived myself of a lot of wonderful moments and people, all because I was too much of a Wuss. From that day on in almost all concerts I go I dance my heart out if I'm feeling the music or I don't. Its no longer some complicated thing. Its all pretty simple, straight forward and clear. I wonder how much more I can live if I slowly somehow get out of this "hardwiring".

P.s. These are all personal experiences of a dumb guy(me) so take it with a pinch of salt.

- Mr. Pista