I need to stop worrying about the bookmark

-

 Recently I was traveling by train and saw an elderly gentleman reading a book on the seat diagonal to me, as I was seeing him flip through the pages and read with all the attention a sense of guilt started to creep inside me. I was not reading as much as I used to or as fast as I used to. I'm getting distracted a lot these days, What happened? what changed? Why am I not able to read as much? And then it hit me "IT'S BECAUSE I LOST MY BOOKMARK!!!" and suddenly I knew how stupid that excuse was and the real reason now as I;m writing this I can clearly see are, I don't have proper systems set up and all these days as I was reading fiction books the story used to keep me invested and made sure that I completed the book. I was in the last part of my college and had a lot of free time in my hand. Now things have changed, I'm working now, I have started reading non-fiction(thanks to 75 hard) and also I'm getting distracted by other things like, the peer pressure to be caught up to the new Netflix series or to know the latest trending memes etc...

As all of this web of thoughts is unfolding in my head on the train, the final nail in the coffin is put by this simple act of the book reading gentleman. He simply folds the corner of the page and closes the book and goes to sleep. I know that it seems something very obvious or casual, but it hit me like a truck. "WHAAAAT ??? I COULD HAVE JUST BE FOLDING THE PAGES TO BOOKMARK???" Absolute disbelief and shame. Then as my mind returned from the state of a hurricane, it became pretty obvious that this is not just about books. I have been avoiding doing a lot of things because I'm waiting for the perfect conditions. I want to learn video editing, but i don't have a powerful PC... I'll just wait until I get one. I want a powerful PC, but i live in a temporary room I'll need a secure place to keep it, maybe I should move into a flat ... I'll just wait until I move into a flat. I want to create videos, but I don't have a good camera or a good phone... I'll just wait until I buy a new phone.  and many more.....

In essence,  I need to stop waiting for prefect conditions to do things, to live life. I feel this is all my sub conscious self trying to stop me from getting into new stuff. Its the inertia I've built up over time, being an introvert and a nerd. I'm trying to consciously make the decision to get into things even if I feel like I might not be ready.

 

I got this train of thought and instantly knew I had to write about this. So in the train I open my notes app and type "I NEED TO STOP WORRYING ABOUT THE BOOKMARK" and think to myself, Ahh it would be better to write in a laptop, but I'm traveling I don't have a laptop right now... I'll just write it once I reach home. It has been 11 days since that day and yesterday when showing something to my friend on my phone he asks me what is this bookmark thing? And that's how I'm writing this now :) 

The Irony........

                                                                                                                                -Mr. Pista

Comments

  1. PriMarch 16, 2025 at 6:11 PM

    Your blog is so refreshing and subtle to digest. I hope you keep writing, cuz I really like your train of thought Mr. Pista!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

What you are doing vs what is hapenning?

-
Image
A couple of blogs ago i talked about the gap between your ideal self and your actual self.(catching yourself in the act) This time it is about your actual self vs your perception of self. Recently I was catching up to one of my buddies and he asked me what have I been up to?? That put me on surprisingly weird train of thought. I told him about my job, and how I'm learning guitar and video editing and some graphics coding etc.... and we talked about various outer dumb stuff after that. But once we concluded our conversation and hung up the phones, I asked myself - what AM I upto? And it is true that in trying to learn guitar but I haven't touched it in past 2 weeks, it is true that I'm learning video editing, but haven't made a single edited video in weeks. I'm also interested and learning graphics coding but really what I did was watch a couple of Sebastian league and coding train videos. This is what I want to tell, I think I'm doing this that and...
Read more

You should probably go dance

-
Image
 I have been a shy and introvert kid from my childhood(classic). I was too shy to dance and sing in front of anyone let alone strangers. So during some festivals, my elder cousin used to arrange a dance competition and there would be vibes before the competition. I was well prepared for my dance performance (It was mandatory) but during whole festive season all cousins are together and computer was a this new magical thing back then, so most of the time there were songs being played and all the kids are being made to dance. I had it, I was so fed up, nervous and scared. will they call me next? did she see me? will she call me? ayee what is this man, join us come dance, what is wrong with you? you wont get food if you don't dance, etc..... It was such a great moment now that i think about it, everyone was happy in the same house dancing, singing having fun. But my experience.... ufff. absolute horror, how can I avoid this and move on? when will the electricity be cut off?.... So I g...
Read more